


Lunch Hour

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-12-15
Updated: 2000-12-15
Packaged: 2019-05-15 21:04:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14797928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: What do the White House senior staffers do during lunch hour?  Josh is about to find out.





	1. Lunch Hour

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Hi all, 

here's something while the less fortunate of us wait for Noel. Hope you like...

This is for Robyn, whose talent to make laughter is the greatest gift of all. I'll never write like you, but I'm hoping to grow trying.

Disclaimer: not mine. maybe later. 

Archive: sure, just e-mail me. 

Spoilers: well, not really.

 

LUNCH HOUR 1/?

Sauntering through the West Wing, spotting friendly faces and tossing an occasional "hi" out into the corridor was always fun. Picking up non-related hearsay and at times a critical piece of vital information while ostensibly bumming around was Josh's strong point for years, and not only was it fun, but it also made him look smarter in the staff's eyes.

Which is why he carried out the 'bumming around' duty thirty minutes each day, on the clock. He'd sneak out of his office the moment Donna stepped away to the Mess, a showy blue folder in his hand, and start strolling down the bull-pen, throwing curious glances at people and keeping his ears open.

C.J.'s door was distrustfully closed. Something in the way it was closed today was different from the way it was closed yesterday, the day before, and the day before that. In other words, it was closed mysteriously. Josh leaned onto the wall near a water cooler in Carol's empty quarter, crossed his arms and began hanging out inconspicuously.

"No, I don't want people to know I have it. Why, you might ask me? Because, every time something like this happens and they find out, things go completely out of hand. Remember last time it happened? I couldn't show my face for weeks. Just repeat after me: C.J. doesn't know anything. It's a common misconception here; trust me, they'll believe it."

"But, C.J., don't you think that's a little egocentric of you?" Carol's voice responded.

Josh moved closer to the door.

"Not at all. I'm never anyone's first call. This is just something they'll have to wait for."

Josh moved closer to the door.

"So you're doing this out of vengeance," Carol concluded.

"Precisely. Let them now think, 'How about I consult C.J. on the matter of utmost importance?' They will come to me, Carol, not I to them. My office will be full of people, clinging to my every word."

Josh leaned on the door, which creaked, being in the state of openness after all, and allowed him to fall in.

"Josh!" C.J. and Carol exclaimed in a single cry. "What are you doing here?" C.J. added, obviously more composed of the two, as Carol giggled uncontrollably.

"Clinging to your every word?" Josh suggested, getting up. The women sized him up with condescension.

"If nothing's the matter, now would be a good time for you to leave," said C.J. dryly.

Josh tried acquiring the confidence he had lost when splattering on the doorstep.

"C.J.," he said very seriously. "You and I are members of the senior staff of the governmental office of the most powerful country in the world. We love what we do and we are good at it. Which is why I don't think it's wise for you to withhold information essential to our administration, the American people, or the entire planet."

C.J. looked at him and suddenly burst into tears laughing.

"Get out, you clown!" she ordered.

"But I want to know what you're talking about!" protested Josh.

Still chuckling, C.J. lifted a small plastic jar from her desk and held it to his nose. It smelled unpleasantly, to say the least, and Josh sneezed in evidence of that.

"This is the best moisturizer that ever existed," C.J. explained slowly. "I got the new trial version first this year, and I'm predicting a vast epidemic of envy from this administration, the American people, and the entire planet. Or at least the women in all of the above who know anything about skincare. Now, go away."

The door closed behind him, and this time there was no mystery in it. 

************

TBC, 

thanks for reading, 

Irene.

  

  

  

  


	2. Lunch Hour 2

Sorry I'm making this so short. It would have been longer, but Donna was busy.

All important stuff in part 1.

Lunch Hour - part 2/?

***

As Josh made his way out of C.J.'s work area, Donna caught him by the ear. The touch of her icy fingers - she was holding a chilled can of Fresca in them just a moment earlier - and their firm grip told Josh she knew exactly what was going on.

"And we're doing what?" she inquired.

"Trying, futilely, to look nothing like Evander Holyfield," said Josh, working his ear free from her grasp.

"You were eavesdropping on C.J.!" accused Donna.

"And thanks to that, I now know something you will soon thank me for," promised Josh.

"What?"

Josh signaled her to move closer.

"Stinky moisturizer," he whispered enigmatically.

The remarkable secret had no effect on his assistant. Donna was resolute to teach him manners.

"Stop behaving like a ten year-old that just got hold of a hall pass," she commanded. "Why I ever liked you in the first place is inscrutable to me."

"Could it be you aspire to great things?" asked Josh and got a nudge in the stomach.

"You wish, Van Gogh," said Donna sarcastically and left him, defeated, in the ring. Josh rubbed his ear, straightened his tie, and continued his usual round. 

*********************************

TBC, 

thanks for reading, 

Irene.

  

  

  


	3. Lunch Hour 3

Disclaimers in part 1.

This is, again, for Robyn, just because I was reading something that belongs to her and she made POTUS say he liked Finland...<g>

Lunch Hour - 3/?

***

Sam's door, unlike others, was always open. Cathy's door may have been shut at times, but behind it, Sam's door always gaped widely like a smiley face, overloaded with a sense of humor. Josh wandered into the reception area.

"Hi Cathy. Did it ever strike you that I look like Van Gogh?" he asked Sam's cute assistant.

Granted, one of his ears may have been swollen and red, but they were both there.

"No," said Cathy and resumed typing.

"Okay," agreed Josh and went on standing in front of her.

"Oh, Sam is busy," said Cathy when she thought the conversation was over and Josh wouldn't go away.

"I've got time," assured Josh and made himself comfortable on the couch.

Sam had a visitor. The visitor had a female voice. The voice had resonance.

"Don't you dare shove that bill back at me before it's seeped through your leisurely-sluggish brain!" it carried. "I've got every Republican on the Hill backing it up and you know full well we've got the support of the Senate and more than enough votes to win this!"

Josh stood up innocently and pretended a picture on the wall near Sam's cavernous door was the most fascinating thing he's ever looked at.

"You say that now, but come talk to me in a week and you'll see this bill is worthless," he heard Sam's feeble reply.

"Worthless? How dare you say that about an issue that concerns the majority of the American population? Education is not a joke you can dismiss without serious consideration and the Republican Party will have you for dinner on this issue!"

Josh moved on to the next picture, closer to the door.

"If the party leaders don't understand that this scribbling has no value as a piece of legislature, I will just have to write another one for them to chew on," offered Sam meekly.

"I'm going to make your life such a living hell, Sam Seaborn, that in two years, when I'm through with you and your take on valuable governing, the last thing you'll ever write will be a concession speech!" roared the female voice.

Josh wasn't going to take any more of this. Ignoring Cathy's attempt to restrain him, he presented himself.

"Listen, lady," he said severely and with much authority. "No one talks to Sam Seaborn this way. While you and your pathetic ideas on education may differ from those of the Democratic Party, no one is more credible on the subject than the man whose office you are in and you will do well to remember that! Oh, hi, Ainsley," he concluded, realizing the person he was speaking to looked familiar, and stretched his face in a guilty grin.

"I wasn't gonna let him in," breathed Cathy, running in after him. "But he's slippery."

"Josh, I've got this covered," began Sam.

"What's going on here?" demanded Josh. "Why are you fighting? Why is she winning?"

"She's not winning, I'm winning," explained Sam constructively.

"Uhm, no, you're not, Sam. You're letting her walk all over you and I won't tolerate it. You hear me, Miss I'm-so-smart-'cause-I-know-where-Kirkwood-Oregon, I mean California, dammit!-is? You're not the boss here!" shouted Josh.

"Sam." Ainsley said in a complaining voice. Sam stood up and shielded her from Josh, who tried his best to hover.

"Easy, Josh," he admonished. "I'm on top of this."

"Go away, Josh," added Ainsley, recovering from the shock he dispensed at first.

"You know, Donna's got Fresca," Josh tried bribing her, but she didn't budge.

"No, she doesn't," she said instead, hopelessly. Sam looked at the door, then at him.

"But she's kicking your ass again, man!" Josh stomped his foot.

"We're rehearsing for our meeting on the Hill tomorrow," clarified Sam as Ainsley sighed nervously, looking at Josh. "It's this thing I do sometimes. Ainsley is playing the opposition while never deviating from being on my side. I'm letting her win so that she gets the hang of how these meetings really run. Get it?"

"He's letting me win." mimicked Ainsley, but Sam threw a cross glance at her and she nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh," said Josh. "I'll be going now."

"Good choice," said Sam.

Cathy was finally able to usher him out and once again he observed her door close from the outside.

*********************************

TBC, 

thanks for reading, 

Irene.

  

  


	4. Lunch Hour 4

Okay, I was trying to make it funny but that didn't work 'cause I'm too pissed about Noel and various other non-related issues. Cutting the story short, here's the ending.

Disclaimers in earlier part.

Lunch Hour - part 4/4

***

On through the West Wing went Josh, in search of new adventures to fill the remaining portion of his lunch hour. This time he took the road less traveled - and it brought him to Leo McGarry's office. Well, the area before it, where Margaret was digging a heap of papers out of a tall file cabinet.

Josh tiptoed behind her back and began hovering over her. Finally, Margaret turned and screamed.

"Ow, you scared me," she explained after she stopped screaming.

"I did? How?"

"I turn around - and here you are."

"If that scared you, you've obviously never seen my gorilla impression," deduced Josh, slouching and letting his arms hang aimlessly about his body.

Margaret looked positively frightened now, and Josh decided to spare her.

"Leo here?" he asked.

"On the phone," replied Margaret, and, just as Josh was about to move to the couch, she caught him by the collar and helped him look for his way out.

"I'm not letting what happened yesterday happen again," she explained. "Leo's still not talking to me after what I allowed you to do to his crosswords book!"

"I didn't do anything wrong," muttered Josh.

"You solved them!" said Margaret angrily. "You know how particular Leo is about solving crossword puzzles in his spare time and you solved his entire book!"

"I was bored," Josh defended himself, but Margaret stood tall and resolute to keep him out of Leo's office and his crossword book as well.

***

There was no one left to bother in the few remaining lunch hour minutes but Toby. Josh hesitated a moment, trying to determine whether or not he was in the mood for being thrown out of yet another office, and decided to give it a shot. He waved to Ginger and Bonnie and this time knocked on Toby's door.

"Come in," to his surprise, was the reply he heard.

Josh walked into the office and sat down on the guest chair.

"Man, I'm tired," he admitted, sighing.

"What'd you find out?" asked Toby.

Josh took a long breath.

"Moisturizer makes you sneeze. Donna knows where to get Fresca. Sam lets Ainsley win the Hill meetings. Leo isn't talking to Margaret because she let me get hold of his crosswords puzzles book and now he's forced to spend his lunch on the phone rather than."

"What the hell are you talking about?" interrupted Toby. "I meant the President's meeting with the DOE and the Energy Secretary - you were supposed to fill me in on the details today?"

"Oh!" Josh looked at his watch. It was two minutes after 2. He jumped up and buttoned his jacket.

"The DOE polls are on my desk. The meeting didn't run over scheduled time which makes me believe they've come to the mutual agreement we've all been hoping for. Plus, I saw the President leave the conference room and he was laughing. As for the report, you will have it in two minutes. Be right back."

Josh stepped out of his office and rushed through the bullpen. He passed many staffers, none of whom expected him to say "hello." When he entered his office, Donna silently gave him the papers he needed and he left again, his face full of thought and concern.

Lunch hour was over. 

***********************

Thanks for reading, 

Irene.

  

The End


End file.
